It's been two full days since I saw the email, and my husband still hasn't said a word to me about it. Then again, I haven't said anything to him either. It's an interesting little stand-off we have here. Neither of us is even sure the other one is taking part in the duel, let alone getting ready to draw.
DH was clearly looking for a way to get out of the house this morning, probably because the tension is beginning to be palpable. After about half an hour of wandering around in the garage, he announced that he needed to go to the store and by something new for the upcoming golf tournament for his work.
This impromptu shopping trip seemed to me to be a perfect alibi to go meet with TOW, so I immediately suggested that he take our daughter with him and buy her the new shoes that she needs for basketball. As soon as the words left my mouth, I instantly regretted them. I have always promised myself that no matter what happens between DH and me, I will not put the kids in the middle. I feel like I came dangerously close to crossing that line.
Regardless, DH didn't hesitate. He agreed that it was a good idea, and now he and my daughter are having a bit of quality time together, shopping and having lunch. He must not have had any sort of meeting planned, because a third grader isn't what most people bring along on their dates.
I'm not sure how I should proceed from this point. I can't try to account for every moment of alone time he has. If he wants to, he will find a way to see her without my knowing.
I feel like my choices are to confront him or wait and hope. I don't especially want to confront him. First of all, it would then alert him to the fact that I have access to his email, and I'm not ready to give that up yet. Secondly, if something is going on, I highly doubt that he is just going to come out and tell me the truth just because I ask.
I'm also not that great at waiting. I know from experience that the longer I have to think about something, the more my mind races. As far as hope goes, I've been treading water in the old River Denial so long that I am beginning to get dysentery.
So, I would appreciate the opinion of any men who may read this. If you were my DH and you got an email from TOW, and nothing was going on, and you refused to meet with her, would you tell me about it, or would you just pretend it didn't exist?
OR
If you were DH and you got an email from TOW, who you haven't seen in months and months, and she said it was important, would you agree to meet with her, but not bother to tell me?
OR
Do you see any potential situation where you would say anything to me if you were DH and you got the email from TOW, but you think I don't know about it?
I'm trying to give him a fair chance, but in reality, I'm going insane here.
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4 comments:
[Debating whether to comment or not, because I'm certainly on the other side of the table here... So if I offend, please let me know. I don't wish to do so.]
From my perspective, putting myself in his shoes, if I had an email from the affair-partner, I would *not* tell my spouse for any reason.
If he is re-connecting, surely he's not telling.
But if I were just telling the affair-partner to go away, I would deem it not worth mentioning, because I wouldn't want to raise the exact questions that it's raising for you. I wouldn't want to hash up old uncertainties when the communication was not started by me, and receiving the email was out of my control anyway.
So there might be nothing sinister at all in his silence.
I think that I agree with Ms. I. I say think because there times when I was doing the "telling the affair partner to go away" thing, and I didn't want to reopen those wounds w/ the wife, but I kinda could have used her help and support in the "leave me alone EX affair partner" thing.
@ Ms. I - I am not offended by your reply. All you have done was confirm what I already know. There is very little upside for my husband to say anything to me about this, and I doubt that he will. I just have to figure out what I need to do. Once upon a time, I would have definately given him the benefit of the doubt. Right now, I'm not sure how to do that, or if it is even a good idea.
@ hoodie - I wish my husband were coming to me for that help and support. It would make me feel like we were a team again. I miss us being partners. But I think I agree with Ms. I as well.
SA: I can't tell you how much I miss the "feel like we were a team again" thing myself. I can only project, but maybe husband thinks that this is something he just can't ask you to team up with him on. I know that I couldn't do that, no matter how badly I wanted it. I wish I had been strong enough to do so, because maybe all the shit that happened afterwards (including, but not limited to wife's affair) could have been nipped in the bud.
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