It's been over 24 hours since I read the email from 'the other woman' (TOW). I don't think that my husband knows I can access his work email, but when I checked it again a few hours later, he had completely deleted it and any possible response he may have sent. I'm not sure if that is a sign that he's on to me, or if he is just being paranoid and careful.
That means that I have no idea how he responded to her. I don't know if he agreed to meet her. I don't know if he called her or texted her. I don't know if he told her to fuck off. I don't know, because he hasn't said anything about it to me. Not one word.
I don't know if he's trying to protect me, and doesn't want me upset if she is contacting him against his wishes. I don't know if they have been meeting regularly. I don't know what this is about.
All sorts of horrible thoughts are going through my mind. In her email, she said it was too important to discuss over the phone. What if she wants to tell him that she's leaving her husband? What if she wants to tell him that she's pregnant and it could be his? (This should be impossible, since he was supposed to have ended it with her 11 - 1/2 months ago, but who knows?) What if she has AIDS or some horrible STD and she might have given it to him... and he could have given it to me? (I had myself checked for everything last year, but I haven't been rechecked since.) I realize that it probably isn't anything this bad, but sitting here, not knowing, I start thinking awful thoughts.
What do I do now? Do I wait and see if he brings it up? Do I confront him? Do I stalk him and see if I can figure out when they're meeting? For the last day, I have been trying not to meet his eye, because I am afraid he will see every question written there, and I want to give him the opportunity to come to me about this without me having to broach the subject.
I called yesterday afternoon and made an appointment with a new therapist. A woman I work with had mentioned her name last year when I had "a bout of depression", which is what everyone in the world thinks happened last year. She can't get me in at a convenient time until a week from Tuesday. The way things are going, I should have a lot to talk about by then.
4 comments:
Dear Seeking,
I am so drawn to your story, I am am feeling your pain vicariously, and inexplicably.
I do hope that a new therapist will help, and I am wondering what your DH is going to do.
You mentioned earlier that your DH comments on infidelity blogs.. does he have a blog, too?
Please, take care of yourself,
SuburbanHotwife
@ Suburban Hotwife - Thanks for your good wishes. I am cautiously optimistic about the new therapist. DH does have a blog. He doesn't know that I know it's his, and he doesn't post that much on it, but he does use it as a profile to post comments and start conversations.
Thank you for responding, Seeking. I was kinda wondering if his blog would provide you with some insight as to what is going on with TOW.
@ Suburban Housewife - Perspective is one of the things I am hoping to gain here, but mostly I like the idea of an anonymous sounding board where people help me clarify my own thoughts and feelings. So, thank you for commenting.
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