It's been a while ...

For those of you who were concerned about my sudden disappearance from the blog world, rest assured that all has been well. I took a step back from the computer both because it was a healthy thing for me to do, and because I didn't really have anything to say. Much of the angst that has made up this blog has disappeared.

My life has been calm, and I think that I have finally accepted the fact that things will never be the way they were before, because I will never again trust the way I did before. But despite how that sounds, I do trust my husband and I have not been feeling jealous or insecure for a little while.

I'm smiling again. I'm starting to be more like the old me. The sex is good, but even better, DH and I are starting to be friends again. Best friends.



So why have I suddenly returned to my obscure little secret blog? Because I woke up this morning with a very vivid dream about the object of my husband's affair.

The dream was very simple, just a phone call between DH and TOW. In it, she told him that her divorce was final, and that her exhusband was going to have their kids every other weekend - Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Therefore, she would be free if there was a time that they could get together. Then, in the dream, my DH informed her that I was working this Friday and our kids are away at camp. They made plans to get together, and then they hung up.


That's it. That's the whole dream.


Normally I have wild, outrageous dreams - full of color, sound, scent and feelings. This one, though, was oddly stark, and felt even more powerful because of it. I know it was just a dream, and yet I can't shake this feeling. I'm actually considering calling in sick to work on Friday, despite the fact that I know that I'm being ridiculous.

I thought I was doing better. I thought I had achieved some equilibrium.



It's been a while, but sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.