Mind / Body Connection

Sometimes, I think that the wires between my mind and my body have a serious short circuit issue.

For the past few days, DH and I have been cordially coexisting. We are speaking politely, doing normal family activities together, and keeping up all pretenses of a happy, healthy relationship. But there is unspeakable tension swirling in the air because I don't know what's going on with TOW, and he doesn't know why I am a bundle of nerves.

He went to work yesterday. I spent yesterday running menial errands for my son's Kindergarten teacher, as it was my turn to be the volunteer 'room-mom'. We came home. We ate dinner. We took turns yelling at our daughter to do her homework. He channel surfed, fruitlessly looking for anything that involved keeping score, while I poured over seed catalogs and asked his opinion about plants that he has never heard of. We sent the kids to bed. We pretended to watch TV while he reviewed documents for work and I attempted unsuccessfully to fix a broken zipper on my daughter's favorite skirt. Then we went to bed.

Nothing about the day appears out of the ordinary, but there was no connection between us the entire time. The walls of civility were firmly in place, keeping us separated as we fruitlessly tried to pretend everything was normal.

We were lying in bed, each on our own side, curled in loose fetal positions, back to back but not quite touching. I was just beginning to doze off, when DH, who is always restless when he sleeps, began to change positions. After turning to his stomach for a moment, then flipping to his back briefly, he ended up curled against my back, snuggling like spoons.

After lying in that position for a moment, his arm came around me, gently pulling me a bit closer. I didn't even think about it, I wiggled myself tighter against him and hugged his arm to my chest.

It seems that this was all the encouragement DH needed. Suddenly the gentle arm around me tightened into iron, and his other hand was twisted in my hair, pulling my head to an unnatural angle so that his lips would have full access to my throat. Like flipping a switch, my body instantly responded to his show of force by becoming completely submissive.

His fist tightened in my hair and a quiet sigh escaped from my lips. He was roughly kissing the nape of my neck, his teeth as involved as his lips. His other hand sought my breasts, my nipples began straining through the thin cotton tee shirt I wore to bed.

Mere moments later, I was flipped onto my back and he was on top of me, pulling my shirt over my head, but leaving it bunched around my wrists as a soft restraint for my movements. His mouth began to travel down my body, kissing and biting my collar bones, my breasts, the sides of my ribs. His tongue started tracing the quivering flesh of my abdomen, raising goosebumps on my confined arms.

His tongue found the hollow next to my hip bone, and his hands made quick work of the silky pajama shorts I was wearing. His warm breath sighed across my smoothly shaved pelvis and he pulled my right leg onto his shoulder so that he could have complete access to the swollen folds of flesh.

His hands grasped the flesh of my ass, pulling me towards him as his tongue discovered the extent of my excitement. He licked and nibbled for only a moment before pulling away. He chuckled softly at my whimpered protest, and I could feel that he was wriggling out of the boxers he had worn to bed.

Without any further warning, I felt myself bent nearly in half. With one leg still caught on top of his shoulder, he buried the length of his rigid cock in me in a single forceful stroke. He held perfectly still for a moment, our bodies pressed against each other as he stretched my inner walls. Then, he slowly began to rock against me, establishing a rhythm that caused my breath to catch in my throat.

I lay under him, pinned with one leg up, one leg down, and my hand caught in folds of soft cotton. I had no movement, except for what he allowed me, and he was completely in control. Yet despite this dominance, he was utterly tender.

He softly kissed where his lips could reach, covering my temples, my eyebrows, and the top of my head. The slow, methodical rhythm of our coupling was almost frustrating in its gentleness. I found myself writhing against him seeking the release that my body was demanding.

I must not have been the only one who needed that release, because soon his pace began to quicken. I could hear the change in his breathing as he tried to keep control and his body started pounding against mine. The combination of dominant and gentle, tender and forceful was soon more than my body could contain, and I felt myself reaching the point of no return.

My orgasm broke over me like a wave, ripples of pleasure passing through my body. DH must have been holding back to allow my gratification first, because within seconds of feeling the quivering of my inner walls, he followed me over that edge. Our bodies reacted to each other, extending the pleasure we each were feeling.

Breathless and satiated, DH took a moment to release my hands from their cotton bonds and take my leg off of his shoulder before collapsing against me. We lay there, sweaty and intertwined. Still connected intimately, I could feel his heart beating against my chest even as I felt him softening inside of me. And in that moment, all felt right with the world.

We slept soundly last night, wrapped in each other's arms. And when I woke this morning, I felt content for the first time in nearly a week.

The thing is, nothing has changed. I still have no idea what DH is doing or what is going on with TOW. I know that he still has a profile on Ashley Madison, though I don't know if he is actually actively pursuing anyone. My life is still in a state of upheaval, yet all I can think about is the delicious soreness in the overstretched hamstring of my right leg.

My brain, which was sad and hurt, had no control over the way my body reacted to DH last night, but clearly, my satisfied body does have control over the way my mind is working this morning. I doubt that this will last, so I am going to enjoy it now while I can.

Does this make me as much of a freak as I think it does, or do other people have this backwards mind/body connection as well?