My baby sister just became a mother for the first time on Thursday. I stayed with her in the hospital through 13 hours of labor and I was there when her beautiful son made his debut. I got to watch the sweet picture of my sister holding her new baby for the first time, and her husband wrapping his arms around both of them. It brought tears to my eyes as I took pictures of this perfect moment in their lives.
The next day, I was sitting by my sister's bed, watching her watch the baby sleep. She couldn't stop herself from touching him, stroking his fuzzy hair, admiring his little fingernails, laying her hand on his chest to feel him breathe. She was completely smitten. In one fell swoop, her life has been unalterably changed.
Her husband (J) had run home to shower and pick up all of the baby gear that new parents are told is essential, so we were alone for a few hours. We discussed the labor process, the glory of the epidural, the relative ease of the birth, (She only pushed for 15 minutes!) the frustration of trying to get the sleepy baby to latch on to her breast, and her inability to find a comfortable position to sit. It was all of the normal post-birth conversation.
Then, she turned to me and said, "I just hope that J and I can do this as well as you and DH. You guys have such great kids."
I agreed with her that my children are pretty spectacular, and assured her that hers would be (almost) as perfect. We discussed for a little while the sleepless nights that were ahead of her, the sore breasts, the stretch marks that will never completely fade.
Then she said, "I just hope that J always looks at me the way that DH looks at you. You two are kind of sickening, you know." I just rolled my eyes at her.
A couple hours later, after school, DH showed up at the hospital with our kids so that they could meet their new cousin. We watched our 6 year old hold the new baby and tell him that as soon as he got bigger, they would play pokemon together. It was so sweet. As we stood there, DH put his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him a bit.
My sister then threw a wadded up paper towel at me and said, "See what I mean. Sickening."
DH looked questioningly at me, and I told him to ignore her, that she was just hormonal.
She stuck her tongue out at me and repeated, "Sickening."
Later that night, as I was lying in bed with DH, I found myself wondering what people see when they look at DH and me. Do we really appear to be in love? Are we as in love as we appear? Do people see the tension between us, or are we so good at hiding it that no one knows? Does it matter what other people think?
I don't know the answers, but I am feeling a bit more optimistic than usual today.
There's just something about the joy of a new baby that makes everything seem possible.
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8 comments:
Congrats to the new parents!
Could it be that despite the infidelity, you both are still truly in love and that is what people see? I am very glad to hear that optimism has crept into your outlook, and I hope the feeling persists.
Awww. There is *nothing* like a new baby nephew. :)
I think that, perhaps, even with everything that has happened, you could still have *more* love for each other than a lot of others. If this has *any* sort of upside, it is causing you both to re-focus on each other in a way that might not happen *ever* in most marriages.
I'm always happy to hear about optimism... :)
Congrats and enjoy the nephew
Congratulations, Auntie. A new baby is such an awe inspiring miracle!
Just as awe inspiring as the tender look of a man gazing at his wife and remembering when they were in just the same moment with their own baby and feeling that love wash over them. :)
Everyone - Thanks for the good wishes for my sister and nephew. They are both doing fabulously.
@ Suburban Hotwife - I think we are still in love, but the stress of the last year has certainly taken a toll and the optimism is hard to maintain.
@ Ms. I - My nephew is *perfect*.
The only problem when you refocus is that suddenly you are seeing things that were outside of your previous range of vision... and somethings are hard to face.
@ hoodie - I just wish I could maintain that optimism.
@ terri - Love did wash over us in that moment. It was palpable... for a moment.
We live in a society where the great public fiction is that we're all supposed to be rugged individualists, rebels even. Watch an hour of television, and half the ads are intended to get us all to rebel and be individuals in ways that, ironically, would get us all to wear the same jeans and drive the same car.
I call bullshit. We are social animals and it does matter what people think, and what we imagine they might think if they knew the more private details of our lives. The fact that your sister admires you, and admires you and your husband as a couple, is a good worth having. Couples that have public displays of affection aren't merely having a private exchange that we happen to see; they are performing for us, saying, look, everyone, I love this person.
And the fact that you both still feel it and are willing to show it to each other, and to others, is hopeful. May it last and grow.
@ Helen - I actually am thrilled that DH and I still appear to be in love. I am just surprised, because I feel like our relationship has been so bruised and battered. I know that we are recovering. It is just a slow, slow process.
As for what other people think.. Just remember that half of the people looking at you are of below average intelligence. Factor in the percentage of people with mental illness or who have different value systems than your own and you arent left with many reliable judges.
That's how I see it anyway.
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