For those of you who were concerned about my sudden disappearance from the blog world, rest assured that all has been well. I took a step back from the computer both because it was a healthy thing for me to do, and because I didn't really have anything to say. Much of the angst that has made up this blog has disappeared.
My life has been calm, and I think that I have finally accepted the fact that things will never be the way they were before, because I will never again trust the way I did before. But despite how that sounds, I do trust my husband and I have not been feeling jealous or insecure for a little while.
I'm smiling again. I'm starting to be more like the old me. The sex is good, but even better, DH and I are starting to be friends again. Best friends.
So why have I suddenly returned to my obscure little secret blog? Because I woke up this morning with a very vivid dream about the object of my husband's affair.
The dream was very simple, just a phone call between DH and TOW. In it, she told him that her divorce was final, and that her exhusband was going to have their kids every other weekend - Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Therefore, she would be free if there was a time that they could get together. Then, in the dream, my DH informed her that I was working this Friday and our kids are away at camp. They made plans to get together, and then they hung up.
That's it. That's the whole dream.
Normally I have wild, outrageous dreams - full of color, sound, scent and feelings. This one, though, was oddly stark, and felt even more powerful because of it. I know it was just a dream, and yet I can't shake this feeling. I'm actually considering calling in sick to work on Friday, despite the fact that I know that I'm being ridiculous.
I thought I was doing better. I thought I had achieved some equilibrium.
It's been a while, but sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.
13 comments:
Glad to hear you're doing well...
I hate those kinds of dreams... they really pull the rug out from under your feet sometimes.
Glad to see you around again! The starkness of your dream in interesting...
How is therapy going?
SH
I think that dream is just a way of reminding you of the lack of trust with your husband. What you dreamed is completely possible and plausible, and you have to stay mentally tough enough just in case.
I hope you are still seeing your counselor. I think that was good for you.
I don't take dreams to predict the future, but you are right that it won't be the same as before. Ever. The more important question is if it can become OK; but that takes time.
In addition to time, it also helps if DH tells you honestly what he is doing, and if he is reliable enough about telling you that you know he is being honest. As soon as you think your spouse is still sneaking around behind you, despite loud protestations to the contrary, you are right back into emotional turmoil.
Wife never got to where she could be completely honest with me. The closer she got, the better we were together. Of course, finally I got to the point where I don't care any more. You don't want to get there.
Welcome back, and like Hoodie, I'm glad to hear that you are well.
Sometimes I've had to adapt to not having something important to me that I believed was mine to keep. Things almost always worked out better when I thought, "So, I can't have that...what can I have that I don't have now that I've always wanted?"
I was wondering if you would be back...and it seems you are doing better. That's great to hear! I know how sometimes you can have such a powerful dream - it all feels so real. I think the trauma of your situation is something that is going to surface occasionally. It's unfortunate - especially when you sound like you are making so much progress. I hope you can let it go, since it was just a dream.
I hope things are still going well for you. We miss you around these parts.
if you are still blogging i am intrigued to hear more...
i would appreciate an invite to you if you're private...
Il semble que vous soyez un expert dans ce domaine, vos remarques sont tres interessantes, merci.
- Daniel
Hope things are better!!!
kul post
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